oh man.
last night in st james is pure fun!

met xiaolili :D in the afternoon and went evo for l4d session.
played till 9 plus & went bunk find the usual peeps.
on com & played audi.

after bunk closed, we went for the famous beancurd ard parklane area.
met annie & john the motherfucker there.

after that, the 3 of us headed down to st james!

weeeeeee. shouldnt say much abt it cos i cant rmb.
had a few shots and martell on the rock and its hello bed!
i totally cant rmb anything.

and i woke up with a bad stomach but i cant vomit.
i half suspected my parents knew i went drinking last night cos i stink!

anyway, just now met toutou, cloudie,hito , siomon & friends at causeway point.
had dinner and movied.

weeeee. HOLIDAYSSSSSSSSSSS IS THE SEX~
i cant stop clubbing. & that is sad cos i really wanna quit!
oh ya. i think i prefer zouk than st james nowadays.
the crowd is younger! which mean more fun!
younger guys :x i got a thang for guys with lip piercing recently.
and dont forget guys who wear vans.

done. my weekend is sweet.
nelson lee junxiong! when are we going clubbing again!

xoxo

fucking irritating!! my mummy say i sound like an ah gua cos i lose my voice
)):

been sleeping whole day.
FUCKING TMD SICK.
)):

wanted to go out. but i dont wanna go out with a voice like cao ah gua.
toutou msged me and ask whether i wanna go st james tmr with annie and john the motherfucker.
i might thou provided toutou going.

anywayy, this is the second week i missed the friday-going-out-thingy.
i confirm going out next fri cos del will be back in sg!
and i kinda promised her i will be acc her since hanx got intership.

oh ya! i know my ward for prcp liao.
w63c. hope it will be good ><
medical ward. damn it.

yuppyupp. i miss genting weather.
sg is too hot for me.
and i might be going oversea in june.
yay!

okayy. i need to go back sleep already.

xoxo

i dont know what i want.
i dont know why i am doing all those things that make me look cheap & slut.
i dont know who i am anymore.

he said i am insecure.
insecure about life.
i live because i had to not because i wanted.
i dont have a goal.

how true.
i cried on his chest. & the door bell rang.
& i went back to my room.

i think abt it for the whole day.
who i am.
i used to tell my friends ya, i am gonna have sex only after i got married etcetc.

but. look me now.
i despise myself. despise the things i had done.
despise that i dont even feel regret and somehow somewhat proud that i had that kinda influence on guys.

i lose myself.
lost it to lust.
i betrayed myself just for the moment of pleasure.

toutou once exclaimed " wa, u change target very fast!"
it was then i realised i simply dont trust love.
to me there is no love. only lust.
incorrigible right.

the next time i say i love someone is the day i finally found myself.
for now, let me lose it all and sink to the lowest.




back.
totally shagged. and i did alot of things.

-smoke 1 pack each day. dirt cheap.
-finally found the courage to sit spaceshot. & its fucking fun. SONG BOH!
-eat&eat&eat.
-watched movie. (& after movie, i actually tot i was in sg and i told hito i wanna take NR home -.-)
-went clubbing! omfg. i think this is the funniest moment in the trip lah. i saw tons of ah guas & gays. & the songs sucks! but i had fun laughing and scream yo ah yo! lol.
-went to starbuck alone on the first night. sat for 1 hr plus drinking hot choco & eat black forest. listening to music & smoking. i think it is the quiestest moment for my whole trip.
-lose my voice aka shi sheng )):
-did 2 wrong things.
-cried on the way home cos i miss home too much & the driver drive at a fucking slow speed.

okayy. i will blog in detail after i rest.
but i saw alot of friends can.
first is clayman. & i thought i will only saw him when i reached genting.
who know the first rest stop, i step into the canteen, & i saw him.
&&& he was at the same hotel level as me. creepy or wad.
anywayy, i went clubbing with him & friends. fucking funny.

then i saw doreen & chin hao! shocking.
lol. didnt expect to see them. and they went on the same day as us. zzzzz.

and i also saw wee kiat from fjss.

CREEPY OR WAD.

ok. i bought nothing.
and i still left with alot of ringgit. fuck.
going to change back to sgd tmr.

done. bye.

xoxo

okayy. i feel i shld at least blog before i go genting.
._. in case anything happen to me

did nothing but rest.
& i am feeling alot better(:

kinda getting excited for the trip already.
weeeeeeee. 3 days getaway.

anywayy, nothing to blog.
but just in caseeeee, i love you my mummy & daddy.

xoxo

my nose is irritating me to the helllll.
water just cant stop flowing out.
and my other wisdom tooth is starting hurt.
fuck! i am fucking suay can!

i was going to remove my tooth on first week of attachment but i didnt.
i swear i am gonna remove it after i come back from genting.
& i am so gonna buy the cute mask from daiso so i will not spread the flu to tou they all(an excuse to buy that cute mask)

tmr. suki sushi & shoppppping!
i swear i need it to cheer me up.
afterall this shits for the past 3 weeks.

i am fucking annoyed with this ''friend'' of mine.
i dont care ur gucci/coach real anot.
i dont care you flirt ard with patient's son, doctors and etcetc even thou u are jollywell attached.
i dont care you got a perfect body & critised that i am skinny like bamboo.
i dont care your bf is uni grad and earning 3000 plus a mth.
& i am fucking glad i am not doing prcp with you.

random. my nails are ultra bling now. thanks to faceshop nail polish.
i am super boreddddddddddddddd. i wanna clubbbbbbbbbb.
i shall go play audi now.

xoxo

i am sick.
)):

but i am super happy my 3.2a finally end.
and now. its prcp)):
nvmnvmnvm. 3 weeks of holidays!

am going to genting on tues!
daddy gave me RM550
o.o abit too much but i am not complaining.

went for ahma's birthday ytd.
IMM's long beach.
yummy! didnt took any photo. but i suspect my aunt took one of mine & post it on facebook.

going to shop tmr.
i wanna buy alot of things!

xoxo




when guys want something from you, they treat you super good.
but when they realised they couldnt get it out from you, they stop contacting you.

so ya. two words for most guys out there , _l_ you.

anywayy, not thinking so much abt this anymore.
cos GENTING IS NEXT FUCKING WEEK!

super duper super duper excited.
mommy helped me change money already((:

nowdays, mommy & daddy been giving me money like freee.
>< love!
& mummy bought two tees for me today.

anywayy, i got a super long shopping list which i wanna complete before i go genting.
so people who wanna shop, pls call me!!

got to go. sleep.
><

xoxo

sidenote: you motherfucker ccb. dont let me see you in genting. i will walk over and kick you in the groin.

weeks ago, i went clubbing with a grp of girls.
and this one girl was drunk.

she had a bf but they broke up that night.
the reason is cos the girl actually like girl but end up with that guy cos she wanna show her parents she like guys.
& all that guy want is sex.

i dont know how true is the sex part.
but it got me thinking.
does all guys want is sex?
maybe that was the reason why i like girls nowadays.

isnt 20 abit old for sexual identity confused.
><

xoxo

mc-ed on friday.
went IT show & bought a headphone. PINK!
gayness. lol.
movied. pls watch DMC.
fucking funny. laugh till bth.
&&& homed.
reached home 3am.
& believe me, its the earliest of the past 3 days.

went out early on sat.
met xiaoli for L4D.
so many people came down to bunk.
evo for the night and i actually reached home ard 8 plus.

toutou called ard 6 plus in the evening on sunday.
i totally forget abt the event at zouk.
rush down to bunk and meet toutou & cloudie.
lex last min dua us.
anywayyyy, headed down to zouk.

boring like fuck until the event was over.
& yay! dance time! the crowd is ...
saw alot of bunkers. &&& called me counter girl / bunk girl.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

anywayy, met someone.
:) mac at jalan bukit merah & cabbed home.

slept for two hrs & attachment.
& i am officially tired like fuck.
going to sleep soon.

i shld stop clubbing. its sinful.

xoxo

its friday!
wooooot~ butbutbut. i am on morning. and its fucking tired.
have not complete my case study. which appear easy.
its 1am. i wish i am in zouk. lingerie partyyy leh.
nvmnvm. sunday!

tmr going IT fair.
i wanna get a keyboard. &&& erm. EARPHONE! omg. i use to change eveyr 3 mths. but i use my current one for 6 mths alreadyy. OLD LIAO.

&&&DMC TMR.
<33333 fucking funny anime.
then maybe ton at evo provided i am not too tired.
but i think i will be.

soft keyboard = more easy to play audi
LOL. i never tell my father that arbor he confirm dont let me buy.

i think i shld go sleep.
i had a long day.
><

xoxo

i am suppose to be sleeping.
but, yet another sleepless night i guess.

went to meet toutou they all at bunk after work today.
played L4D. for the first time, i didnt scream.
maybe i was too tired.

headed to mac for supper and homed.

studied for awhile just now.
& i tried rmbing 12 cranial nerves.

suddenly feel like piercing nose.
i already look like malay. pierce liao look like ah nei?

started smoking again.
sigh ><
my poor lung. i feel so sorry for you.

i feel like clubbing.
i think i will be going on sunday.

i dont know what i am talking.

maybe i should just go sleep.

xoxo

i am fucking tired.

tired of faking everything is gonna be alright.
tired of faking a smile or laugh.
tired of feeling sad.
tired of attachment.
tired of people.
tired of seeing dicks.
tired of seeing cheebye.
tired of smelling shit.
tired of doing CLC.
tired of waking up 4 plus in the morning when people just go to bed.
tired of taking 190 everyday including weekend.
tired of eating to survive.
tired of sleeping non stop.
tired of feeling gulity for spending daddy's money.
tired of everything.

i dont know how to keep going.
i really dont know.
i feel so lost abt my future.
i feel so lost abt everything.

somehow, i wish i never been born.

i really had monday blues okayy.
but i woke up real early.
reached sgh real early.
&&& i ate my nasi lemak.
&&& i ate mee goreng for break. which is 3 hrs apart.
&&& i ate something hitam. LOL.

ok. work is terrible today.
thank god i didnt took case as sister was beside when morning pass afternoon.
*phew*
and toutou! i am so sry. i thought u guys not watching le so i went back home.
)): i hoped you guys enjoyed the movie.

anywayy, back to work.
time pass sibeh fast.
good sia. but i tired to death. reached home sleep all the way till 12 plus.
am going back to sleep again.

anywayy, marley & me tmr!

xoxo

sidenote: i sibeh hungry now & craving for pizza hut drumlets. shall cook it when i wake up at 4am. &&& i super save money nowdays. &&& i played audi with del just now <3333>

weekend loves

Sunday, March 08, 2009

today is sunday. & i am so not looking forward to tmr.
cos it mean more shit cleaning)):

enjoyed the weekend.
friday, went home and napped abit & went out to meet the loves.
watched push! damn fucking nice! go watch!
after that i walked to cine from cathay alone to take bus home.
enjoyed the walk alone! it was windy & not much people.
i actually sang songs on the way :x

homed & sleep!
until late. i forget. went down bunk ard 9 plus.
cos i tired. anywayy, went evo & ton!

omfg! i think last night was the best night i ever had at evo.
cos usually i will get bored & cranky.
but ytd i was having fun cursing ck not having mc ( which he did, 3 times on me & none on others_l_)
having fun playing audi with toutou & jieyong.
having fun playing dota with sky,jieyong & the friend.

weeeeee~ homed ard 7am.
and i woke up 3pm.
going to sleep sooooon.
need to wake up early tmr.

anywayy, going watch watchmen tmr!
yay! at least something to look forward to at the end of shift.
&&& most prob zouk on sun.

alrighty.
my weekend is simple this weekend but i love it loads.
<3

xoxo

sidenote: daddy has given me $200 already for this week. omfg. ><

mummy & daddy dearest

Friday, March 06, 2009

i <3 my mummy & daddy.

daddy give me extra money just now and i thought of using it to buy my foundation when i realised i already had one on my dressing table. mummy bought it.

everytime they did something like this i feel that i dont deserve it. i throw temper at them. i scream at them. i go home late & drunk(sometimes). i did very poor in my studies.

yet, they didnt give up on. ya, sometimes they are unreasonable. but i have to agree they have every right to be.

mummy is the best. all those late night supper even when she is super tired. and breakfast. everything la!

daddy also best. help me to pay for genting trip. some more including the mney to be spent over there.

i think i am the luckiest girl on earth cos i think i have the best parents.

<333333
going out now. meeting toutou&cloudie & others.
MOVIE TIME!

xoxo

9 hrs nap & i am still sleepy _l_

IT TGIF MOTHERFUCKERS!

woooooot~ i smell freedom!
yay! omg! wtf!
&&& its morning shift. sweeeet!

today pass kinda fast.
did nothing but watch year 2 do dressing.
today was better. ><''

& i still eat alot.
_l_ i will become 5 kg heavier by end of attachment.
&&& mummy is my love.
she bought stingray for my dinner.
&&& i had one whole packet to myself.
><''

anywayy, i reached home, changed bath & jumped into my bed.
sleep untill 8 go eat dinner. sleep back at 8.30 and wake up 1.30
sleep fer so long lah!
later how. i need to wake up at 5 )):

maybe i shld go back sleep somemore.
anywayy, tmr meeting my mdm&sir!!!!
one week never see them liao <33333333333

tues going watch marley & me with petpet <3333333

okayy. am going to sleep.

xoxo

thinking of you 24/7

omfg. its 1 am!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

omgomgomg.

i am sooooo not suppose to blog now can.
damn it.
i am on morning tmr.
got to wake up in 4 hrs time.

anywayy, the shift today is fucking annoying with motherfuckers.
I NEARLY LOSE MY TEMPER OK.
&&& i dont lose my temper easily.
fuck you girls _l_
i am sooooo gonna make you life miserable if you all step on our toes again.

anywayy, on a brighter side note, the sisters & staff nurses prefer us more.
<33333333333 at least we are not arrogant fucks.

i cant wait for weekend!
i am gonna spend my sat wisely.
like going library. or swimming. or do something lah!

2 MORE DAYS TO WEEKEND!
12 MORE DAYS TO END OF ATTACHMENT.

tmr going out with hanisah i think.
if not, i am going home to oink.

okayy. fri!!!! i wanna meet toutou & peeps.

xoxo

i cant forget. but have you forget?
damn it. why you?

p.s: hito just forced me to go to bed. and i shall now! otherwise she will not to me.
)): forever bullying me. but thankssss <33333

cleaning sai

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

i am so motherfucking tmd tired.
&&& i am like a pig can.

attachment so far so good.
52b isnt as bad as i thought it will be.
but damn it. the *other institute* students are making me crazyyyyy.

the year 2 are so @$$*%&$^%#$$%
dat i feel like slapping their fucker face.
hello! although i might not be your senior but pls at least show some respect.
dont gimme the *i-am-from-___-so i am clever then you*
_l_
and its only this batch i cant get along with.
i get along with ___ students perfectly well okayy.

anywayy, took one case and today just my first day of official work.
damn it. why did i agree to take case?!
making me more stress only.

went movie with hito ytd.
i am so sorry i let her waited for one hr plus dat i treat her watch movie.
wahahahahaha. i am such a nice person!
but how come mei ren yao.

he's not that into you is motherfucking nice.
and i forget to mention i watched let the right one in on sat with john the motherfucker.
quite nice toooooo. dat motherfucker scared me during one part of the show & i refused to talk to him for 10 mins.

anywayy, my thoughts is all jumbled up.
thats why this is a messy post & i dont fucking care.
((:

am going to sleep soon. tmr afternoon shift.
&&& i neeed to wake up early to cook lunch cos mummy gg work.

xoxo

thinking of you. & i dont know why.
damn it.

~.~

Sunday, March 01, 2009

to be honest, i am super duper emo for the whole day today.
&&& the last time i was this emo, it was over simon.
i wasnt even this upset abt sky.

i dont know why i am so unhappy.
i really dont know.

and i dont want.
i tried watching la bi xiao xin.
i didnt laughed.
i tried talking to alot of people.
& i still didnt laugh or even smile.

the only one time i laughed is becuase of petpet.
and i really thank her alot.
not only her. toutou. ayu. iris. hanisah. weixiang. yanling. constance.
everyone who consoled me.
&&& they didnt even know what happen.

anywayy, i will try to be happy.
i swear. i will not let this thing get to me anymore.
i will try to forget. everything.
everything.

i shld be sleeping.
attachment in 7 hrs time.
need to wake up ard 5.30am

but i cant sleep.
fuck. am talking to another 2 more siaos in msn.
they are suppose to wake up early for attachment also.

anywayy, i think i am feeling better a lil now.
thank god for friends.
((:

xoxo

coincidence

ytd. is the day i think singapore is small until cannot small.

went down bunk. didnt on com. just watch them play.
then had dinner at mos burger and slacked for awhile.
decided to head home while mdm, sir, lex, little, sky & cow went to evo.

at cine waiting for bus, sir suddenly call and ask me wanna go drinking anot.
then i say ok. took cab back to evo.
in the end didnt went drinking. ~.~

so i wanted to walk to cine to take nr.
AND GUESS WHO I SAW?
john the motherfucker who made me wasted on fri.
and after i saw him GUESS WHO I SAW?
ayu, khai and jawk.

WTF x100000000000000000000000000
shocked can.
anywayy, went to watched movie with john cos he say wanna make up for making me drunk.
after movie, homed!

talked to iris on fb for awhile & went to bed.
mom dig me up to go ah ma hse eat crab.
and ta dah! i am back.

attachment tmr.
good. busy = dont think so much.

xoxo

i am stuck. someone pull me out please.
i dont know to walk straight, left left or turn right or maybe u-turn.
i dont know. i dont know. i dont know.

fighting!

i realised. sometime. there is something you have to fight for.
& i have to have the courage.

and so tmr. i am gonna msg her.

JIAYOU AH SOH JIELIN!

xoxo

jielinYO.




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